Friday, February 11, 2011

Don't Make a Molehill out of their Mountain!

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard the phrase “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”.   It’s a phrase we’ve all heard from our mamas when we came to them with Drama!  Basically, it was their way of telling you that you’re making this problem bigger than it really is!

I don’t do Drama very well.  Never have, never will.  Well, maybe I should rephrase that… I don’t do OTHER people’s drama very well.  Because I’m pretty sure I was a HUGE drama queen at one point too.  And, I’m positive that God was fully aware of that when he blessed me with daughters.  So, here, we have absolute proof that God has a sense of humor, because I’m pretty sure he sits up there and laughs every time one of my girls comes to me with a problem.  I know for a fact that my MOM does.  She’s getting her revenge for all the things I pulled on her.

And… it seems that teenage girls aren’t really looking for a solution when they come to you.  Sometimes, they just want to stay miserable.  They don’t want to hear that it will get better, they don’t want to hear that maybe they should have done something differently, and they really don’t want you to solve it for them.  And if you defend their position, they get mad at you for saying the other person was wrong.  What???   It never ends ,does it?  As women, we don’t want our husbands to solve our problems, we just want them to listen… Hmmm… Does it sound like teenage girls are just young WOMEN?  Why yes it does…

So, with all of this in mind,   I used the rule in reverse… “Don’t make a molehill out of their mountain!”.   When they came to me with a problem, I decided to try to understand that no matter how small I knew the problem to be, it was HUGE to them.  As parents we have lots of life experience and hurts.  We already know how to handle the tough stuff, because we’ve faced it and won before.  But, our kids are still learning, and the little things are really tough!  We know they’ll get through it, but they don’t! 

So… instead of telling them that they were making this bigger than it was, I decided to agree with them and try to help them figure it out.  Yes, the fact that that silly boy doesn’t like you as much as you like him is painful.  Go ahead, cry, let it out.  Don’t hold it in.  And, funny, after a few tears, they start to figure out that they really didn’t like him as much as they thought.  No words of wisdom from Mama, just a hug and some time to let them figure it out.   It is the hardest thing you will ever do, and I’m not always able to hold my tongue.  Sometimes I just have to remind them that they did get through a similar problem last week that seemed just as big.  Now, that past problem seems like a molehill compared to this mountain! 

So, don't make a molehill out of their mountain!  If you will help them figure out how to climb down that mountain, the mountains WILL become molehills all by themselves! 

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