Sagging

Yesterday, we attended the funeral of my husband's Aunt.  Aunt Doris was going to turn 91 in March.  And, although we will miss her, we are thankful that she lived a long, happy life.   It was nice to see some of Tom's cousins that we haven't seen in forever, and to hear such nice stories about their grandmother.

However, attending a funeral in February brought about an issue for me that I didn't think about.  It was going to be 60 degrees outside, and I just didn't feel like pants were appropriate. I knew that I would wear a dress, but my lily white legs were in no condition to see the light of day.  I haven't worn panty hose in years.  Ugggh!  But, I ventured to the store to buy some tights anyway.   And, you've all heard  my spray tan story, so... that wasn't an option either! 

So... getting ready, I realized that the tights were just TOO dark for a sunny day.  I rumaged through my drawers and found a pair of panty hose that had been there for years.  I examined them and was pleased to see that there were no runs at all!  SCORE!  So, I decided to wear them with my dress. 

I was already at the pre-funeral luncheon when I realized that these panty hose were so old that they had actually dry rotted!  I got up to fix my plate and noticed that they were quickly slipping down from my waist to my fanny.  I tried the casual "walking adjustment" but that only made it worse!  And, when you're in a room full of people, you can't actually grab your butt and try to pull up your panty hose.  

I made it back to my chair and sat down.  By then, there was a strong "panty line" right across the middle of my big fat fanny!   I tried to casually pull them up under the cover of the tablecloth, but to my horror, the man sitting next to me did the quick "look away",  so I knew for a fact that I had been anything but subtle!

Tom suggested that I go to the bathroom to pull them up.  Well... on the way back, the waist band just worked it's way down to my thighs.  At that point, I was doing the "sag walk"... Legs spread far apart and making careful steps trying to keep them from coming down any further.  I know the teenage boys think "sagging" is cool, but I think those boys are going to suffer from hip dysplasia when they are older, because I just about threw out my hip trying to hold up my panty hose.

At the funeral, it just got worse.  My sister-in-law and I went to the bathroom, and I tried to fix it.  She said "Why didn't you put a pair of underwear OVER the panty hose?"   Well... I'll tell you why!  Because, then I would just have underwear that was sagging too!  There was no holding up these hose.  They wanted to be at my knees, and dang it, that is where they were going to stay. 

By the time we were leaving the funeral, the waist band was half way down my thighs, and the crotch was just about to dip below my hem line.  I got in the car and looked over at Tom laughing.  I pulled up my dress slightly and said "LOOK!"    I couldn't stop laughing... It was such a sight to see!  I've worn socks that came up higher than these panty hose.  And they were much more comfortable.

Lesson of the day... buy hose that FIT!  It would be very embarrassing to explain that you broke your hip trying to hold up your panty hose.  And besides, there'll be plenty of time for 'sagging' when you're older!   

Don't Make a Molehill out of their Mountain!

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard the phrase “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”.   It’s a phrase we’ve all heard from our mamas when we came to them with Drama!  Basically, it was their way of telling you that you’re making this problem bigger than it really is!

I don’t do Drama very well.  Never have, never will.  Well, maybe I should rephrase that… I don’t do OTHER people’s drama very well.  Because I’m pretty sure I was a HUGE drama queen at one point too.  And, I’m positive that God was fully aware of that when he blessed me with daughters.  So, here, we have absolute proof that God has a sense of humor, because I’m pretty sure he sits up there and laughs every time one of my girls comes to me with a problem.  I know for a fact that my MOM does.  She’s getting her revenge for all the things I pulled on her.

And… it seems that teenage girls aren’t really looking for a solution when they come to you.  Sometimes, they just want to stay miserable.  They don’t want to hear that it will get better, they don’t want to hear that maybe they should have done something differently, and they really don’t want you to solve it for them.  And if you defend their position, they get mad at you for saying the other person was wrong.  What???   It never ends ,does it?  As women, we don’t want our husbands to solve our problems, we just want them to listen… Hmmm… Does it sound like teenage girls are just young WOMEN?  Why yes it does…

So, with all of this in mind,   I used the rule in reverse… “Don’t make a molehill out of their mountain!”.   When they came to me with a problem, I decided to try to understand that no matter how small I knew the problem to be, it was HUGE to them.  As parents we have lots of life experience and hurts.  We already know how to handle the tough stuff, because we’ve faced it and won before.  But, our kids are still learning, and the little things are really tough!  We know they’ll get through it, but they don’t! 

So… instead of telling them that they were making this bigger than it was, I decided to agree with them and try to help them figure it out.  Yes, the fact that that silly boy doesn’t like you as much as you like him is painful.  Go ahead, cry, let it out.  Don’t hold it in.  And, funny, after a few tears, they start to figure out that they really didn’t like him as much as they thought.  No words of wisdom from Mama, just a hug and some time to let them figure it out.   It is the hardest thing you will ever do, and I’m not always able to hold my tongue.  Sometimes I just have to remind them that they did get through a similar problem last week that seemed just as big.  Now, that past problem seems like a molehill compared to this mountain! 

So, don't make a molehill out of their mountain!  If you will help them figure out how to climb down that mountain, the mountains WILL become molehills all by themselves! 

Facebook and the Super Bowl

I love football.  College football is my favorite, but it’s over way too soon, so I get my fix watching the Falcons play.  They had an excellent year, and we had hopes that they would be at the Super Bowl.  But, their journey ended a little too soon this year.  So, when it came time for the Super Bowl, I really didn’t care if the Packers or the Steelers were going to be in it.  I was sad that the Falcons weren’t.

But…the Super Bowl brings out the fan in you, even if you don’t care about either team.  And although this is one of the first years that I couldn’t really figure out who to root for, I couldn’t wait to see some good football and some excellent commercials.   I had a ton of logical suggestions from friends about who I should root for.   My sister-in-law is from Pittsburg, but I couldn’t bring myself to root for their quarterback.  Sorry… having a daughter in college brings out the mama bear in you.   But, I just opted for lightly rooting for the packers, and hoping that the game would be close so that it would be good. 

Everything got off to a good start with a patriotic song from one of the stars of Glee.  I was very impressed at the patriotism displayed by the players on both teams during the opening songs.  And then came the big whoops from Christina Aguilera.   The camera panned to some players who gave a quizzical look at each other when she belted out the wrong words.  But, they kept on singing themselves, hand over their heart.  It made me proud!

I spent most of the game chatting on facebook with my friends following the game AND the commercials.  There was a running commentary of laughs, cheers, trash talk, and comments/opinions of the commercials.   And of course trash talk about people’s opinions of the commercials.  Yes, we were a bunch of girls acting like a bunch of boys… It was very funny… I can honestly say that I did not see one post from any of my guy friends…  I guess they can’t multi-task like we can!  

At half-time… I got off facebook long enough to skype my girlfriend so that we could have a Black-Eyed Pea Dance party.  We pointed the computers at each other and danced like fools.   The girl in me came out big time.  I heard later that many people thought half time was the worst ever… but for me and my girlfriend, it was one big concert dance party.  Yep, we’re 10 year olds trapped in an old lady’s body.

There was some good football going on, and I saw most of it!  But I had a blast watching it on Facebook with my girlfriends.    The game was good, but the color commentary was much better coming from the girls!

Team Menopause or Team Puberty

I woke up several times last night with hot flashes.  I mean the 'rip off the cover, strip down to nothing' kind of flashes.  In fact, I call them power surges, instead of hot flashes.  They make your clothes fall off faster than tequila!  I know it's a rite of passage, and I'm trying my best to embrace it.  I can handle it as long as I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 But... when I got up to run this morning, what to my wondering eyes had appeared?  A huge pimple on my cheek, that's what. What the heck is going on?  Am I going through menopause or puberty?  I just looked in the mirror and said  'OK Body-  Team Menopause or Team Puberty - pick a side and stick with it!'     Yes... they should make a t-shirt that say that! 

Believe me, I am not one of these women who looks at the younger generation and wants to be back there.  I am embracing my age, and loving every minute of it.   I was married and had a fantastic job, a house and time to work out hard every day when I was 23.  I was raising my kids in my 30's and starting a new business in my 40's.  And as I approach my 50's, I am excited about what it holds.  I live my life to the fullest.   I wouldn't trade places with the younger set for anything in the world.  I love the knowledge, and confidence that I have gained over the years.  I wouldn't go back to the uncertainty, the body image struggles, the dating game, the lack of self confidence that the younger set has for all the tea in China.  So, when I see a younger girl with a perky body and a cute boy, I just smile.  I know what she's got to look forward to, and I hope she enjoys every minute of it like I do!     

I may be a little fluffier than I was back then, (well maybe a lot fluffier), but I have no regrets.  I'm wiser, happier, I enjoy my friends more, and I take better care of myself.   I'm OK with alone time, in fact, I cherish it.   I played on Team Puberty years ago... been there done that, and didn't really care for it at all.   I choose Team Menopause.  So, pimple, get off my face... I'm sticking with the hot flashes!